Chocolate Caramel Corn

Allergy-Friendly Chocolate Caramel Corn Recipe

Step 1: Invite mother and father to visit for Christmas, involving plane tickets and a long drive. Mother will happen to bring a caramel corn recipe along with her.

Step 2: Ask husband to pop 6-8 quarts of Chloe-safe popcorn. Husband must do it because the power cord to Stir Crazy is broken and he is the only one who can pop popcorn without getting electrocuted.

Notes: a) Chloe safe, for us, means popcorn not processed on shared equipment. Orville Redenbacher fits the bill. b) If you are using a Stir Crazy popper you will need to make a full bowl twice.

Step 3: Melt 2 sticks of whey-free margarine (Fleischman's unsalted), 2 cups of brown sugar, and 1/2 cup of corn syrup in a pan over low heat. When it comes to a boil, stir constantly for a few minutes.

Step 4: Pour popcorn into a gigantic bowl (you may need to do this twice) and coat with melted sugary stuff. Stir to coat each piece of popcorn with delectable gooey sweetness.

Step 5: Put onto (large) cookie sheets and place in a 225 oven for 45 minutes. The temperature and timing of this step does not have to be precise, but it will save you from your two-year-old and four-year-old asking until you feel like tearing your hair out, "please may I have another one?" before supper.

Step 6: Remove leftover Chloe-safe chocolate frosting from freezer. If you do not have leftover frosting, make some according to this recipe: 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) whey-free margarine, 1/4 cup cocoa powder, up to 2 cups powdered sugar, 3 tbsp rice milk, and 1 tsp vanilla extract. This recipe makes enough for leftovers for next time.

Step 7: Separate caramel corn onto four cookie sheets or put half of it back into the big bowl. You'll need to spread it out more thinly. Heat the frosting to pourable consistency and then...

Step 8: Drizzle frosting with a spoon in Pollock-like gestures over the caramel corn.

Step 9: Invite 3 boys from other countries over, intersperse them with small children around the kitchen island, and observe the chocolate caramel corn disappear.

Step 10: Repeat steps 1-8, omitting step 9 because you won't have gotten any for yourself the first time around.

I'm not going to change the world

In this order, three things happened:

First, I got the online email edition of Food Allergy Magazine, which had an article about a city councilman in St. Paul with a three year old daughter severely allergic to peanuts. The councilman was trying to pass an ordinance to require all restaurants to post ingredients lists, which, rightfully so, the restaurant industry had a problem with.

Second, a relative complimented me on this blog. I sincerely appreciate compliments on my little corner of cyberspace which I use to process my journey as Chloe's mom and protector. Thank you so much!

Third, I recently became a facebook fan of a blog I already read and enjoy, Karina's Kitchen, Recipes from a Gluten-Free Goddess. She discovered a gluten intolerance as an adult and began developing recipes for herself. This activity led to publication of two cookbooks and the development of not just gluten-free recipes, but allergen-free ones as well. Her latest post featuring gluten-free vegan pumpkin spice cake caught my eye and the photograph was worth a thousand bites.

I started thinking about Karina, and how she turned a personal situation into a meaningful line of work which has the potential to benefit many lives. Her own medical condition prompted a vocation that has changed her life.

I have been thinking about the councilman in St. Paul, who turned a small slice of power into a power trip. (I'll post my letter to him, cc'd to the newspaper reporter writing the story about him along with various individuals from the food allergy community and the business and hospitality industry of St. Paul, as an addendum to this post.)

While I really really admire people who make a personal difficulty, sometimes even a tragedy, into a vocation like Karina, that's not really me. I don't necessarily admire the councilman's tactics, but I do agree with him that food allergy awareness is really critical to our growing numbers and I speak my piece whenever I feel the need.

It feels like this post is turning into a long rant about ME, but hear me out. I don't necessarily crusade; I am not a crusader type. But when it comes to knowing how to do something well, I am all over that. And I will not forget what Chloe's allergist said on our first visit: "keep doing what you're doing, and do it well."

I'm proud that the pages of this blog reflect that I have grown over the last year to become good at keeping Chloe safe from the allergens that will cause a life-threatening reaction. I have become good at speaking candidly and patiently with her caregivers, family, and friends about her food allergies and the risks and what to do in case of a reaction.

I know I'm good at it because when I made salsa and bean dip for a little fiesta with the kids tonight, I didn't even think consciously about making it Chloe-safe, I just did because I am so used to cooking without certain ingredients. (Ok, I did look at the oriental rice snacks, see that they were processed on shared equipment with nuts and wheat and did not set them out.)

I guess I just don't feel the need for a crusade. Protecting my daughter is enough, and the rewards from that are immeasurable. I have lots to do that I like to do, so I keep a balance. As much as I want her to have a gluten-free vegan chocolate cake for her birthday and have everyone taste it and savor it, I also want to knit her sweaters and teach music and go on trips.

I just really am not that interested in getting on the news about turning my daughter's food allergies into a thriving cookbook business or launching the newest food allergy awareness organization or using authority to promote a personal view.

I just want to keep my daughter safe and healthy and teach her how to handle herself in the world.

_________


Dear Mr. Carter,
I read about your attempts to mandate that restaurants list their ingredients for those with food allergies in the online edition of Food Allergy Magazine (September issue, a link from the Twin Cities Pioneer Press). My daughter has severe allergies to milk, eggs, wheat, and peanut, and many of us who have severely allergic children can relate to your situation.

However, I think it behooves those of us in the minority—those of us with food allergies or food-allergic children—to be reasonable. A recent blog post by a blogger that I enjoy (www.crazyauntpurl.com) about her office potluck in which the dishes had to contain peanuts prompted a firestorm of criticism from the food allergy community. I personally am ashamed by that kind of behavior, because it takes the wishes of a small minority and attempts to shove them down the throats of a majority—yes, even though I am an active member of that minority. I believe your actions to try to get every restaurant in your city to comply with your personal family situation (especially since you are now in a position of some power) is an example of unreasonableness.

I certainly understand the desire to protect one’s child and to live, move, and participate in a normal world comfortably, and frustration at being unable to do so. But the reality, is, those of us with severely allergic children must make some accommodations for the world that exists. Some restaurants will be accommodating, and some, naturally, will not, but that is their choice as a business establishment about which clients they cater to. I believe David Siegel has the right approach when he talks about awareness and training in his recent article in Finance & Commerce.

Mr. Carter, I will tell you my personal strategy when dining out with my family:

Where I live, our dining out choices are somewhat limited, but those restaurants we do enjoy going to my husband and I assess thoroughly. We read the menus, we talk to the chefs, and we ask the servers to talk to the chefs for us. Often we visit a restaurant on our own, looking critically at the choices and available options for our daughter before we take her there, and we certainly do assess the restaurant’s willingness to share information about their food. When we find a restaurant that can accommodate us, we do not hesitate first, to tell our friends and family that this particular establishment has gone out of their way to ensure our daughter’s safety; and second, to make sure we give our business to that restaurant again.

I think this sort of system is a much more positive one than mandating difficult and time-consuming regulations. This system gives restaurants an incentive to speak candidly about their food when requested and to welcome food-allergic families, who will then pass the information about their warm reception along to their fellow food-allergy sufferers, and, as our family does, patronize the restaurant again. Some local food allergy web sites may even want to post reviews of restaurants who have been helpful. Yes, doing this legwork is time-consuming, but that is our job as parents.

I have had many positive experiences from restaurants by calling ahead and asking about their ability to cater to my daughter’s particular needs—one restaurant was even willing to warm up rice noodles that we brought from home and put their marinara sauce on top.

I truly believe that if we are reasonable and give people—or eating establishments—a chance, they will rise to the occasion, making dining out a positive experience for everyone. I certainly have found this to be true where I live, and also in major cities my family has traveled to.

The reality is that for those of us with food-allergic children, we have to make choices to protect our children. Our children will then grow up learning how to successfully negotiate the realities of their environment, and our friends, family, and in your case, your constituents, will see the good example we model.
Sincerely,

Kate

Happy 2nd Birthday, Chloe!

We've come a long way since Chloe's first birthday when we didn't know the extent of her food allergies.

As a tribute to Chloe, her teachers, her babysitters, her dad, her siblings, and all of you who supported me during the year of the Cooking Paradigm Shift, here are some things I learned about food, food allergies, and celebrating the positive.

Food is life-sustaining, nurturing, and comforting, except when it isn't. For Chloe, some of the very things that we take for granted are her poison. Instead of lamenting the losses of MY favorite foods, I had to teach Chloe to love new foods that were safe for her. I had to create a new cuisine for her and for all of us in her family to share with her.

After her allergy testing in November last year, we knew, in the words of her physician, we had to keep doing what we were doing and do it well. I felt a great deal of relief just to know for sure what to avoid, and I started paying attention to posts, blogs, emails, recipes, recommendations from friends, and the opportunities around me.

We found that one of Chloe's favorite foods was tamales. Pork, masa (corn), and red chile sauce are the only ingredients, and frequently the mothers of my students make and sell them at my school. I learned which cooks made the best-tasting tamales that Chloe liked, and the cooks learned to approach me when they were making tamales because they know I'm always good for one or two dozen. I learned to individually wrap and freeze them, like Hot Pockets, as Chloe's personal convenience food.

I learned to change from cooking with butter to cooking solely with olive oil as a base for sauteeing. I learned to layer fresh cuts of meat with potatoes and vegetables in the crock pot for a meal everyone in our family would like. I learned to notice that many of the recipes published in popular women's magazines were easily modified to be Chloe-safe and started editing them and putting them in a notebook.

I learned to read ingredients lists on packaged food. I learned to read them upside down and backwards and with whiny, impatient children in the background. I learned to look on every packaged food item for the allergy warning, and I learned that sometimes it was the store brand that had an ingredient we needed to avoid, and sometimes it was the generic brand, and I learned to read the ingredients again when I got home from the store and throw things away if my gut told me it was unsafe. I learned to read ingredients lists and allergy warnings on things I didn't think I needed to, like jelly beans and rice krispies, and ketchup. I learned that soy sauce has wheat in it and Worcestershire sauce has anchovies in it.

I learned that food processed on shared equipment with allergens is not ok for Chloe, but that food processed in shared facilities is.

I learned to consciously think about filling Chloe's cup with rice drink. I learned to consciously say it for her, to distinguish those words from "milk," and she eventually learned to say "rice drink" instead of "milk" too.

I learned how to administer an epi-pen. I learned to keep epi-pens in my purse, at school, and in the kitchen. I learned to keep Benadryl in her room and in my purse and at school and in the kitchen.

I learned how to cry and to let go and then go on.

I learned how to keep one cutting board for bread and cheese and one cutting board "Chloe-safe." I keep Sharpies in the kitchen for labeling food "Chloe-safe." I wipe bread crumbs off the counter and I never let her "wash dishes" if the dishes have had unsafe food on them.

I learned to keep separate utensils and plates for her food when she had just turned one. I learned how to teach Andrew what foods she can have and what she can't. I learned how to enjoy the sight of Chloe eating cereal just like her brother, and how nice it was that each child could have their own cereal box to look at while they ate and therefore not fight. I learned to distinguish by sight one of Chloe's gluten, egg, dairy and nut-free "Whole-O's" from one of Andrew's "Honey Nut O's."

I learned how to say, "ella allergica a leche, trigo, huevos, y cacahuates."

I learned how to communicate with teachers and other parents about her food allergies. I learned how to insist politely that strangers not feed her and kids not share their snacks. I learned how to make Chloe-safe snacks for other kids to eat with her.

I learned how to cook Chloe-safe holiday meals that were not immediately recognizable as being completely free of Chloe's food allergens.

I learned how to cook healthy, whole-foods meals and appreciate the purity and bounty of freshly harvested food. I learned how to search for and clean up every last m&m, Cheerio, and drop of milk spilled in the house.

I learned how to find the gluten-free section in any grocery store, and to notice that gluten-free does not necessarily mean allergy-friendly, but that sometimes it does. I learned how to ask our local food co-op, of which I am now a member, to carry sunflower seed butter.

I learned how important it is to talk and communicate and talk again and then praise Chloe's caregivers for their vigilance. I learned how to tell others who have never heard of a child being allergic to anything about Chloe's food allergies.

I learned that it is an immune-response to certain proteins, and that it is incurable, and that someday, maybe, she might possibly outgrow her food allergies although the likelihood is remote and that we are in this for life.

I learned at last that I needed to bake for Chloe. I learned which flours were gluten-free and--by intensive trial and error (gluten free pie and pizza crust just isn't worth it) --which recipes to use to make items that are actually delicious--muffins, pancakes, cookies, and most importantly, Chloe's gluten-free, vegan chocolate birthday cake with chocolate frosting, and that it's totally ok to lick the spoon 'cause there's no eggs in it.

I learned that the list of delicious and wonderful food Chloe can enjoy is miles longer than the list of things she can't have, and that at long last an incredibly difficult task can become second nature, and after that a thing to celebrate.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Chloe, I love you!

Hit and miss with local restaurants

Here's our tally so far.

Hit: Calvillo's Mexican Buffet.
Calvillo's makes extremely yummy food, The best aspect is that it's a buffet, and we can pick and choose the safe foods for Chloe without too much guesswork. Another reason I like it is that the chef will custom-make any dish for you. Not that we need to, with so many great offerings that are already safe for Chloe such as beans, salads, fruit, tamales, and corn tortillas. It's a little on the pricy side to take the whole family on a casual outing, but definitely worth it for peace of mind and great personal service from the cook.

Hit: St. Ives Pub.
I was a little worried going into this one because pub food generally means cheesy foods, or foods covered in bread crumbs and deep fried (or both). However. What we did for Chloe is order a turkey bacon guacamole wrap without the cheese, the guacamole (I don't trust sauces and dips unless I make my own, they're obviously safe like salsa, or I've talked personally with the cook), and the wrap. We ended up with a plate of turkey, bacon and tomato slices, shredded lettuce, and plain potato chips. Slightly unorthodox but definitely safe. Bonus: she loved drinking iced water out of a cute cup with a straw.

Half a Hit: True Grit Steakhouse.
Again, a little worrisome, not because of the food itself but because of how it's prepared. Steakhouses love to smother everything in butter. We were out of luck on the vegetables, because they were apparently boiled to within an inch of their life and then completely done in with a boatload of butter. But, we were able to order a plain baked potato and then cut enough of the tender meat inside a large steak for Chloe to be reasonably certain she was not ingesting more than atom-sized amounts of the butter the steak was sauteed in. What made it not quite a full hit was the fact that we couldn't get anything fresh for her, but she dug right into the potato and meat. The fact that John Wayne movie posters plastered the walls somewhat made up for the excess of butter.

Miss: Subway.
We ordered a sandwich for Chloe with the meat and veggies wrapped in one paper and the bread and cheese wrapped in another paper. At the restaurant, all Chloe was interested in was the ham and the olives, so we fed her that with no problems. I put the tomatoes and pickles into a cup and sent it with her lunch at school the next day. Big problems. She broke out in hives just from touching the veggies--on her hand, arm, and mouth. Luckily she didn't ingest any. On the Subway web site, I researched carefully the ingredients lists and their allergy information to see if a preservative might have caused the reaction. Of course, tomatoes and pickles and such are inherently safe, as the web site proclaims and no odd preservatives were listed. But, tomatoes and pickles and such which have been handled by gloves that have touched bread and cheese previously...not so good. Subway is definitely out.

More on local and chain restaurants in a later post.

recognizable food

Years ago, when I first moved to the country, a friend sent me information on how to find hormone-free meats. I wasn't as country-rural-savvy as I am now, because now I know that most ranchers you can buy from only sell hormone-free meat. Of course I didn't have an allergic child then whose every sweet breath and unselfconscious smile I wanted to preserve with all my might, and whose condition prompted me to research the whole-foods movement.

It took a while, but we've finally done it. I've already mentioned the 1/2 cow we bought in October from a local rancher. Someone I know personally, in fact. Furthermore, in fact, the cow was raised by a former student on grass I've probably seen driving to school and back.

Now, finally, on Tuesday, we are going to get our first food box from the local...I'm not sure what you'd call it. It's a gas station/convenience store/organic potato outlet and, I've just learned, a distributor of organic produce, bread, and eggs. A gal I work with was chatting about it at lunch one day. You sign up for a plan, and every other week on Tuesday, a huge cooler box full of organic produce shows up on your front porch. You set out the old cooler and they take it and replace it with the new one full of fresh food.

Food that shows up on your doorstep??? That's organic? And fresh? Hello.

A word I used in one of my last posts has stuck with me for a few days, now. Recognizable. I want my food to be recognizable. "Oh," she said, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth, "how delicious this roasted eggplant with basil and sea salt is!" "Yes, and what a lovely beef roast," he replied as the carving knife glinted in his hand. Recognizable, like that.

For a long time, long before Chloe, I've watched in amazement as people loaded up their shopping carts with food that comes in boxes of various shapes and sizes, or crinkly packages. I mean, LOADED--boxes and packages mounded over the top of the cart. The shoppers are usually leaning over the front bent at the hips, strolling along as if they'd had to allot their entire day to meander the grocery store for boxes and packages and their feet hurt; bowed as if crushed under the weight of all that mystery.

The crazy thing is that there are pictures all over the boxes telling you what is inside, food elements broken down, chopped, burnt, stirred, processed and MESSED WITH until they are long past their original form. "This box has oval-shaped brown things inside, I think," she mused--and how many possibilities can you think of that fit that description?? Even with the pictures, you still can't tell what the food is really MADE of. And reading the ingredients doesn't help, either.

I saw, when we got the lists for Chloe's restricted diet, that I was going to have to learn some new words, "code words" that really meant "milk" or "eggs" or "wheat" or "peanuts" which equal life-threatening distress for my child.

I can't imagine the amount of time it would tack on to a shopping trip if you had to read the long lists on each box and package of processed foods of what the stuff is actually made of. Was it Michael Pollan who uses the term "food-like substances" in his new book? Ok, reluctant disclaimer: I admit to eating food-like substances such as Cheez-its occasionally because I'm dumb and human and sometimes stressed, but I would never serve that to my family for supper or pretend to consider it a logical source of nutrition.

I digress, I see that my original topic was "food boxes" so I'd better get back to it. Recognizable. When you go to the produce section of the grocery store, you see oblong orange things and you immediately know they are carrots. Raw, unprocessed, un-messed-with. You see a crinkly purple spherical object and you know it's red cabbage as naked as the day it was born. And so on. No guesswork, no reading ingredients lists. A red pepper is a red pepper is a red pepper.

I love looking at a dish simmering on the stove and be able to pick out each and every ingredient I used: chicken, check. Potatoes, check. Corn, check. Tomatoes, check. In the bowl on the table: baby spinach leaves, check.

It is a Good Thing to know what one is eating, and an Even Better Thing to know that what one is feeding one's small, innocent, trusting child will not damage or kill her.

How Much Better, then, to have a box full of Recognizable Food show up at your doorstep every other Tuesday? And earn airline miles to boot???

If I could make Chloe understand that organic mangoes (and about seventeen other things) will show up on our doorstep tomorrow afternoon, without any effort on my part at all (besides calling with the payment info and directions to the house [a mile east]), I'd be thrilled because I know she'd be thrilled.

Allergen-Free Easter

Prior to Easter--about two months prior--I started getting emails and newsletters about how to have a safe, allergen-free Easter. I've been so busy this spring that I just skimmed over them and tucked away some of the information for later.

That "later" was today. Our low-key, family-oriented Easter kind of came together at the last minute, but it was so lovely.

Our morning started with Chloe-safe pumpkin muffins and bacon. Andrew ate three muffins, Chloe ate two, and I had three, I think, I'm not sure, they were so good. More on baking in a later post.

For our Easter dinner, Daniel pulled out a roast from the freezer, from our 1/2 cow that we bought last October from a rancher in the area where I teach. Then he decided we should use up as many of our potatoes as we could herbing and roasting them. I emptied the vegetable drawer and cut up the veggies to roast--one eggplant, three green peppers, and four zucchini. All were drizzled in olive oil and seasoned with Italian herbs--nothing complicated.

Yesterday, I went to get Easter things. One of the suggestions for how to have an allergen-free Easter was to not get candy but to get eggs filled with small toys, which I did, and safe candy, which I did. Even though Chloe is too little to eat jelly beans because of the fact that she has exactly three molars, two on the bottom, and ones that are just cutting through on the top, I still made sure the jelly beans I got were not processed on shared equipment as milky, peanutty candies, or even in the same facility (Starburst jelly beans fit the bill). I did pick up several packages of peeps, which according to the newsletters are completely safe, being pure sugar. Chloe, who hardly ever gets candy, got a sugar high just from ingesting several bites, a glazed look in her big blue eyes. "Peet! Peet!" she said, pink sugar coating her grinning mouth.

I also played Easter bunny and got little things to put in Easter baskets: sweaters for my husband and nephew, a book for Andrew, and Aveeno lotion for Chloe.

I didn't really miss the chocolate, until now, as a matter of fact, since I brought it up. Darn it.

We did color a few hard-boiled eggs. My husband and Andrew did that while Chloe looked on, the eggs safely at a distance. She is still too little to want to do things others are doing but that are unsafe for her, or have things others are having that are not safe. As long as she's entertained and fed (maybe in reverse order there) she's happy. She played with the cardboard cutouts from the coloring kit box while the dying was going on.

After the egg-dying, I brought out two dishes of jello I'd made earlier, the peeps and the jelly beans, and said, we are going to make little scenes. Andrew was all over that. He covered the red jello with bunny peeps, while I arranged bird peeps with jelly bean eggs in the green jello, and surrounded them with julienned apple nests.

Over dinner and some Pinot Noir, I surveyed the table with satisfaction. I remember many such meals--roasted meat, potatoes, and veggies-- before Chloe was even a twinkle in her daddy's eyes, and here we were, repeating the meal years later, now with an underlying element of necessity. The lack of heavy chocolate, malted and nutted candies somehow made the feast lighter, more elegant. (Peeps are elegant, come on.)

I know I keep going on about completely allergen-free meals, which seem like overkill for a one-and-a-half-year-old. I'm sufficiently aware of Chloe's needs to know what she can and can't have, and I routinely put together three different suppers on nights the kids and I get home from school. But I have an innate sense of fairness, probably too strong, that tells me that everyone around our table is important, and that it is important to make sure the food is safe for everyone. I've blogged previously about the roasted suppers I love so much, and this was no exception, and so it makes me feel great to know we're creating delicious, balanced and safe meals without depriving anyone.

Ok, well, Andrew didn't get his jelly sandwich, and was forced to eat beef roast and herbed potatoes and apple, but he survived.

I know it would be completely possible for us all to be eating lasagna and to give Chloe some nitrate-free ham, peaches, and a muffin. But it really does offend my sense of fairness and equity for one person out of the family to have something different while the rest of us eat the "real" supper. I'd rather everyone be able to eat the same thing, especially at important occasions.

At our pre-supper prayer, with all of us holding hands (a routine when we are together, I might add) I acknowledged how lucky we are to have these blessings, all this lovely food. I hope, no matter what is in store for Chloe, and for all of us, we can always feel blessed with abundant, high-quality and delicious food.

Happy Easter, everyone.

Tagines

I was going through the pantry and noticed that we were out of a lot of different kinds of beans, but we had several cans of chick peas. I thought, what could I make with chick peas? (or garbanzo beans, whatever your nomenclature preference)

I thought about the chicken pieces in the freezer and thought, aha, a tagine! I was first introduced to tagines at a restaurant in Portland. I was on a very bad date, but that's another story. The food was good, and that's what I remember, and I specifically remember chicken and garbanzoes and some other stuff, and interesting spices.

The combination of foods I remember did not involve any of the ingredients Chloe can't eat, so it sounded perfect.

I skinned the chicken legs and browned them in vegetable oil. I added about 3 cups of water, 3 yams cubed to about 1 inch, two cans of drained and rinsed chick peas, and two handfuls of raisins. I seasoned lightly with pepper, sea salt, and allspice.

While we were at supper Daniel said to me that this reminded him of the kind of meals he ate in Tanzania--a bowl of brothy rice and beans with some chicken pieces. It started me thinking about all the possible variations.

The main elements of the theme: smallish meat pieces, and a variety of additional and complementary ingredients.

The results from googling "tagine" yielded information that the traditional Moroccan tagines are made with lamb, olives, and lemon, and that traditionally the dishes include citrus fruits and almonds. Many of the dishes are served with flatbread and olives, and of course, we couldn't serve flatbread to Chloe (or almonds), but we could serve the tagines with rice to soak up the broth, and fruit such as grapes to accompany it.

So we thought of all the Chloe-safe chicken variations we could:
potatoes, celery, carrots, Italian herbs
corn on the cob pieces, black beans, red pepper, southwest spices
lemon, rice, olives
potatoes, tomatoes, garbanzo beans, onion
peas, carrots, potatoes
white beans & sausage (kind of like a jambalaya without the shrimp)

There would probably be quite a few variations using lamb or other meats. I'm excited because the possibilities seem endless. This particular concoction, with the yams, chick peas and raisins, even pleased my husband's palate. He confessed to being "pleasantly surprised" by the taste and had two helpings.

What I like about cooking these is that for one, they're easy, just a little bit of prep and tossing everything in one pan to simmer. Secondly, the ingredients are natural and close to their original form--recognizable. Third, the finished dish is very pretty to look at with all the various colorful foods mixed together. If you had a traditional tagine dish with the cone-shaped lid, they would be lovely indeed.

Most importantly, it's all safe for Chloe.

Three-day trip

This week was the first time I was away from Chloe for more than one night, with a care-giver other than my husband.

It was nerve-wracking, stressful, and hectic preparing for the trip. My husband and I were going to leave the kids with their Grandma and Grandpa for 3 1/2 days while we went to a conference.

I love the kids' Grandma and Grandpa dearly. Andrew was, is, and will always be fine at their house, he is a hoss and can eat anything. But poor Chloe, with her multiple food allergies--I worried so much about her safety. Preparing for her to have extended time at a care-giver's house is very different than preparing for Andrew. Toss a few clothes and his toothbrush in a bag, Andrew's good to go.

For Chloe, I put together the lists of foods and strategies for avoiding a reaction in the earlier posts. I agonized over that list, going over and over it, and talking it over with my husband as to whether I had forgotten anything. I photocopied her allergy plan, as well as the sheets listing her forbidden ingredients. I answered "can she have..." questions.

I worried especially because my mother-in-law cooks very differently than I do, and at the very least, was not used to the way Chloe has to eat.

So I spent much of this past Sunday (recovering from an overnight trip to Longmont Friday and Saturday) making Chloe-safe pancakes, rice noodles, and putting together a box of fruits and other things she could eat at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Around dinner time that day, I took the box over to their house and sat with them for an hour going over everything.

As we talked I was reassured...Grandma is the most practical person I know, and when she understands the need for something, she's right on board. Grandpa wrestles, wiggles, and plays with the kids, and when it comes down to the practical stuff--he does what he's told.

I am so proud to say that Chloe was just fine!!! Grandma gave her rice noodles, beans, baked potatoes, the peach pancakes I made for her, and fruit. She tried apples, bananas, and even pickles, and Chloe refused to eat those, picky child that she is. Grandma carried the epi-pens with her and both Grandma and Grandpa got them safely to school and back every day.

I had a trial run with the kids' babysitters during that trip to Longmont, on which day my husband had a track meet and could not be home. I did the same thing for the babysitter--preparing food, going over the lists, showing how to use the epi-pens.

I'm happy to say that that day went well, too.

The only glitch of my three-day trip was true to form, similar to going on a ten-day skiing trip with no mishaps then stubbing your toe as you arrive home. I was just getting back into town when Chloe's preschool director called, saying another child had given her a dorito and she had hives on her mouth, should she have Benadryl (she had not ingested the dorito). Yes, 1/2 teaspoon please, according to plan, and then please watch her.

My three-day trip away was very successful, in terms of Chloe's care--and all else as well! I can't wait to see the kids when my school day is done. I can't wait to give them their stuffed three-stage rockets! I am looking forward to feeding them, bathing them, and tucking them into bed with stories--for the next many months.

Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa!

Strategies for Avoiding a Reaction

The title "strategies for avoiding a reaction" suggests that there's a little wiggle room on whether the strategies have to be used or not. I also don't like the word "avoid," either, because it also implies that avoidance is somehow optional a small percentage of the time.

Chloe's life depends on not having a reaction to unsafe foods. Chloe's life depends on 100% use of the strategies.

When I'm tired or stressed, or have a zillion things going on, I go into strategy overdrive--that is, I use the strategies that promise 100% avoidance, such as everyone eating the same Chloe-safe meal, or not giving milk out to anyone, even at the table.

The strategies listed below are the reality when Chloe is around. Luckily, it's so easy to turn them into a positive thing so that it becomes a life-affirming reality, instead of restrictive and confining.

STRATEGIES TO AVOID AN ALLERGIC REACTION

VIGILANCE, check what she’s eating or drinking all the time, check ingredients, check recipes, double and triple check. If there’s ANY doubt, don’t give it to her.

Let everyone around her--kids, adults, anyone that may come into contact with her know DON’T SHARE FOOD. There should be one person to go to who is in “charge” to ask, or to give her food/drinks. *** Even though she says “milk” she does not get milk, she means RICE MILK!!

Don’t give Andrew milk in a sippy cup to walk around with. Give it to him in an open cup and have him sit at a high table until he’s finished. Don’t let him walk around with non-Chloe-safe food.

Or, Don’t give Andrew milk at all—give both kids juice. He will survive without milk for a while.

Give both kids a Chloe-safe snack such as dry rice or corn cereal, and fruit.

Check around the house constantly to make sure there is nothing dropped or left out for her to get into, including dog or cat food.

Structure eating time around a table, rather than running/sitting around with snacks.

Use only fresh ingredients, not canned or processed items. Keep seasonings/flavorings to salt/pepper, sugar, herbs, vegetable-based oils.

Make a separate plate for Chloe’s food, then place food from that plate onto her tray. Use separate utensils.

Start an unopened jar of jam and use a clean knife every time to avoid crumbs/butter.

Cook meal ingredients separately and then mix a Chloe-safe batch before mixing in non-safe ingredients for everyone else.

Use a Sharpie to label sippy cups with names or names of beverages.

Don’t leave chips/crackers/snacks or beverages out.

Check for dropped pieces of food or spilled milk in play areas.

Giving Chloe rice chex, rice dream and fruit for supper, putting her to bed, and then having a non-Chloe-safe meal afterward is perfectly acceptable.

Chloe's food list

This is by no means a complete list of the safe foods Chloe can eat, but it is meant to be user friendly. At the bottom is a list of foods she absolutely cannot have, and to make it easier I've listed some of the common things milk, eggs, wheat and peanuts are found in. This list is meant to be care-giver-friendly!

Note: Chloe has not been exposed to fish or shellfish, nor has she been tested for them. So for now we are going to assume she IS allergic to them, and avoid a reaction, rather than go through the whole explanation.

CHLOE IS HIGHLY ALLERGIC TO MILK, EGGS, WHEAT, NUTS, and FISH
Giving her even small amounts of these foods can cause a life-threatening reaction.
She will get hives if she comes into contact with dog, cat, or horse saliva or hair.

Foods/Drinks Chloe CAN eat:

Rice Dream rice drink (blue box)
Plain juice like apple or apple/grape (and water, of course)

Plain baked (not mashed) potato or yam, seasoned with salt
Other roasted veggies such as eggplant, red pepper, etc. with oil/salt
Plain white/brown rice
Plain cooked or canned beans (like green beans, pinto beans, etc.)
Rice noodles
Any plain cooked meat (cooked in oil, not butter) such as roasted chicken, roast beef or pork with no sauce cut up into tiny bites (the size of a pencil eraser), or ground beef, cooked with just herbs or salt/pepper
Plain fresh, canned, or frozen fruits or vegetables— with no creams or sauces such as canned peaches, pears or pineapple, canned corn, fresh mango, frozen berries, applesauce, bananas, black olives
Oatmeal cooked with water, seasoned with sugar and salt
Gluten, dairy and egg-free pancakes which I have made and labeled “Chloe-safe”
Tamales labeled “Chloe-safe”, corn tortillas
Rice chex, corn chex, corn flakes, Crispix cereals
Plain jams/preserves (check ingredients for just “fruit” and “sugar”)
Sunbutter sunflower seed spread
Any dish/recipe I have made and labeled “Chloe-safe”
Approved allergen-free products
Plain corn or potato chips (check ingredients for just corn or potato, vegetable oil, salt)
Plain lunch meat ham or turkey (check ingredients for fillers; we prefer nitrite-free processed lunch meats)
Plain rice cakes, depending on ingredients (some have hidden lactose)
Juice popsicles

Ingredients to 100% AVOID when cooking for Chloe:
DAIRY: Milk, cheese, cream, “creamed” anything, Parmesan cheese, butter, mayonnaise, casein, lactose, ice cream, yogurt, margarine, whey
EGGS: Eggs, egg whites, egg yolks, albumen, scrambled eggs
WHEAT/gluten-containing flours: wheat, barley, regular pasta noodles, flour, rye, bread
NUTS OR SEEDS except approved products like the sunbutter
FISH or anything with Omega 3 (you never know)
COMMERCIAL BAKED GOODS, like crackers, cereal, granola bars, pasta, pop tarts, cookies
Peanut oil and sesame oil
Mysterious or not so mysterious sauces such as Chinese sauces, bottled salad dressings
Processed meats such as hot dogs (they often have wheat fillers)

WalMart!?!

I don't know if everyone feels this way, but I Love to Hate our local WalMart. I would suspect that WalMart conjures up similar feelings in many people. And if you live in a rural area like we do, your dependence on WalMart is a little greater than if you lived in the city where you'd have access to, oh, such jewels as Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Target, and, um, I forget, it's been almost six years since I lived in a city.

Anyway, so every time I go to WalMart I usually end up saying disgustedly as I walk out the door, "I hate WalMart!"

There are a multitude of reasons why I love to hate our local WalMart that are too numerous to mention, and besides, they are irrelevant to this blog post.

I am grudgingly rather excited about this reason to actually LIKE WalMart, and that is that they have a section--it's about two feet wide but it's a WHOLE SECTION--of gluten-free and allergen-free food products from such good labels as Enjoy Life, Pamela's Products, and Tinkyada.

I was already pleasantly surprised that in their regular pasta section WalMart carried DeBole's rice penne, which we buy on a regular basis since rice noodles are one of Chloe's food groups.

But a WHOLE SECTION of products, including a rather respectable allergen-free bread!

It made me want to put pressure on our local City Market to have a similar section. I'd much rather do grocery shopping at City Market, because they don't have a yarn section or a fabric section, and my circuit through WalMart usually includes these areas, and I have a whole room full of fabric and yarn at home. I don't need any more. (Daniel's circuit includes the garden area and the hardware.) Plus, City Market has really good produce and the staff is really nice and the kids can get stickers. But I digress.

So I carefully selected two things that I had been wishing for for Chloe: a loaf of bread and a box of snack bars from Enjoy Life foods. The snack bars will go into my gigantic mommy bag/purse to use for emergency snacks for Chloe, if we're out somewhere or at a restaurant and there's nothing she can eat. The tapioca loaf I broke out right away. Andrew loves to eat jelly sandwiches, and he could eat one for every meal and be perfectly happy and see nothing wrong with a diet consisting of exclusively bread and jam. So I was thrilled to be able to make one for Chloe, also, and she loved it. I will add some sunbutter (which we still cannot get locally) to her sandwich next time.

Next time I buy some things and they turn out to be crappy, or I have to wait so long for a fabric cutter or a paint-mixer that my hair has grown an inch, or something on sale turns out to be not, I'll hate WalMart again.

But for the moment, my gauge of feeling toward our local WalMart is on the high end. Now, I have to go make Chloe a jelly sandwich.

Cinnamon-pear pancakes

I've had the opportunity to do some self-examination lately over why I haven't done much baking for Chloe.

It was a multi-step process. First, I noticed that I hadn't done any baking for Chloe in quite a long time, even though our pantry is stuffed with virtually every gluten-free flour available, bought during the "Oh my god my child is allergic I must combat this situation by buying every product available" phase, shortly after her official diagnosis. Next, I observed my gut reaction to that thought, which was, "I don't waaaannna!" Taking a step back from the guilt--the horrible mommy-guilt about not baking for my milkeggwheat allergic child even as the rest of us were chowing on homemade bread on a regular basis--I remembered that objectivity does serve a purpose.

So I applied a little objectivity to the situation, and came to the following conclusion: Baking without eggs, wheat, or even milk is a time-consuming, somewhat confusing process that often yields crappy results.

After I thought this, I (objectively) decided that maybe one loaf of bread and one batch of pancakes wasn't enough evidence. And I don't remember the pancakes tasting all that bad. So I decided to give it another try.

I pulled out my Whole Foods Allergy Cookbook and found their Peach Pancakes recipe. At least, I thought, it would be an excuse for Andrew to put lots of different little measured-out ingredients in a bowl and get to stir. He loves to bake with me.

Before I give the recipe, let me say that these pancakes were REALLY GOOD. Yes, you could definitely tell they were not "normal" pancakes but they had many of the characteristics one associates with regular wheat pancakes: a fresh-off-the griddle smell, they were not too sweet, they cohered well--a problem with egg-free baked goods (and are still doing so 10 hours later), and a faint taste of cinnamon that really did make you forget about the slightly gritty gluten-free texture.

Let me add that my son ate one and a half of them happily, and my husband even ate two smothered in syrup and pronounced them good. For a guy that would rather eat bacon and eggs cooked in bacon grease, that's saying something.

Here's the recipe. I changed the flour content and the liquid; I also modified the egg replacer, that is to say, since I don't have any, I improvised.
Preheat skillet about halfway through adding ingredients, to medium heat, and add a light coating of grease--I use Pam vegetable oil spray.
1 cup oat flour
1/2 cup buckwheat flour
1/2 cup tapioca flour
3 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp xanthan gum (Bob's Red Mill makes it)
2 Tbspns honey
2 Tbspns vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups vanilla flavored Rice Dream
1 can of pears, drained, liquid reserved. Crush pears coarsely with a fork and add to batter.
1/2 cup of the reserved liquid, save the rest for another use.
Place small dollops in skillet. They will cook more slowly than wheateggmilk pancakes. Flip once, and when done, serve warm.

YUM!! Chloe ate three of them right off the bat and fussed all morning if she didn't have a pancake chunk in her hand while playing.

Salad bar to the rescue

Today I had the dubious opportunity to travel right from school to Alamosa, a 45-minute drive, after I was done with my Monday after-school tutoring. Of course the kids came with me, where else would they go? I had to pick up supplies for my band festival on Wednesday, and then attend the meeting, or part of it, at which I would drop off the fees and seating charts and such. We had about half an hour to kill, so I took the kids to the grocery store.

All the way to town I kept wondering, where on earth are we going to go to get quick food for everyone? I don't want to eat fast food, Andrew could eat it all day and not complain, and of course, Chloe has her milkeggwheatpeanut-free needs.

And then it dawned on me, when I saw it, of course. Not a minute before. We could each get a little container from the salad bar at the grocery store and fill it with things we like and could eat. Brilliant! I love the salad bar anyway, and it turned out to be a perfect solution.

Andrew requested croutons, some from each bin, some cheese, some noodles, some pepperoni and black olives.

I put lots of legumes in Chloe's bowl--red beans, garbanzos, peas--and vinegary green bean salad. I added some tiny diced ham, and black olives.

In mine, of course, went bulgar salad, krab salad, hard-boiled eggs, peas, and beans.

It was so lovely to be able to get everyone a little something they liked, keep it in separate containers, and cover everyone's dietary needs. And, do it all in about ten minutes, tops.

Andrew carried the forks and he ate his in the car. I gave Chloe hers when we finally got home, and she proceeded to eat all the black olives, reject the rest, and then request cereal. I think the beans and legumes were just a tad on the tangy side for her. I'm hoping that with repeated serving, she'll come to really like red, white, and brown beans and garbanzo beans. For a girl with barely one molar, she does pretty well.

I saved mine until the kids were all in bed--after tickle fights and teeth-brushing and turning on the music--and then added a wad of lettuce and savored it all together.

When you find a find, so to speak, you want to make sure you add it to the positive column. A table groaning with separate little containers of perfectly milkeggwheatpeanut-free food that you can take as much or as little of as you like, well, in my book that's a find.

Cooking for all

As Chloe gets older (she is now 17 months) and gets more teeth, I'm starting to cook differently.

Not that differently than before, because I've always enjoyed making things from scratch, and my husband appreciates it when I cook meat separately from other things, namely vegetables.

But now we've been living with the diagnosis for a few months, and she's getting older and wanting to get out of her oatmeal-tamales-rice noodles rut. At least, I do. I think Chloe wouldn't turn down a bowl of oatmeal, as long as there was a little brown sugar in it, any day of the week.

Winter is a great time for shoving things into the oven for an hour or so. It's my favorite way to cook because prep is minimal and you don't have to monitor the cooking, only the delicious scent. Here's an example:

One small chicken, sprinkled with seasonings of choice
Eggplants sliced 3/4 inch thick and salted
Red peppers
On the side: whole potatoes and yams
Serve with salad or fruit, or not

If you had a vegan, a food-allergic person, a dedicated carnivore, a picky three-year-old and an omnivore in triathlon training all sitting at the same table, you could all eat what you wanted of that and be happy.

With the chicken bones I made chicken soup. Into the pot went a few zucchinis that were crying out for attention, some frozen spinach (now we've got a nice green-colored broth), carrots cut up into small pieces, a can of garbanzo beans and a can of small white beans. And you have an allergen-free, healthy soup. For the non-allergic eaters, I served cheese toast on the side (slice bread, preferably homemade, lay slices of sharp cheddar on top, and broil for 3 minutes). Instead of giving Chloe the soup straight in a bowl, I picked out some of the choicest solid bits and ladled them, along with a tiny bit of broth, over some rice noodles.

She refused to eat any of it unless she was sitting on my lap, but that's another story.

The point is, allergen-free cooking is really not that hard. And I'm finding that it's inspiring me to cook even more healthy than before. Lots of veggies go into the roasting pan, and even more different kinds that don't roast as well, get cut up and microwaved in a lidded ceramic bowl.

Here's another example, one my husband didn't like so well because it was--how shall I say it--too leek-y.

One ham butt with bone, layered in crock pot on top of cut up leeks
mashed potatoes made with olive oil and rice milk
blueberry crunch (with vegetable oil instead of butter to bind the topping)

If you're talking about traditional food like pizza and casseroles and cake-y desserts, well, that's definitely a problem. There's really no substitute for a yeast crust pizza smothered in mozarella, and I'm not about to mess with it unless Chloe asks me to at a later age.

Because we live in what could officially be termed The Boonies, and therefore have no access to grocery stores with gluten-free and allergen-free sections containing packaged products, and because I have no time to mix three different flours and three different things to make an egg substitute, I end up chopping fresh ingredients up and putting them into the crock pot, roasting pan, or skillet; in other words, cooking from scratch.

Here's one more example I'll leave you with:
white rice
onion, eggplant, and orange pepper slowly sauteed until flavors blend and the veggies are soft
leftover crock-pot ham, this time leek-free
microwaved broccoli

See, my husband could eat the ham and rice, my nephew would eat that plus the broccoli, my three-year-old son would eat the ham and one spear of broccoli, calling it a "tree," and of course Chloe could have any or all of it depending on her mood and if she'd rather feed it to the dog or dump it on the floor.

Easy as (allergen-free) pie.

tamales

One of Chloe's favorite foods is tamales. If you have never really eaten a tamale, I suggest you head to your nearest traditional Mexican restaurant and try one. Don't go to a Tex-Mex place where they'll give you wrapped up enchiladas swimming in cheese. You need to find a little mom & pop Mexican place where the cooks speak Spanish and there are tamales on the menu and they come charmingly and individually blanketed in little corn husks--small piping-hot bundles of bliss.

The traditional ingredients are masa or masa harina, pork, and red chile. Three simple ingredients, none of which are on the allergen watch list.

Masa harina is ground corn treated with a solution of lime and water, also called slaked lime. The literal translation is "dough flour," which sounds a little frightening to those of us who have watched their children wither away from diarrhea caused by a wheat allergy, but I assure you, it is nothing but corn.

Red chile sauce is made from those dried red chiles a lot of people hang in their kitchen. Some of you will find it easily in the Mexican section, others will have to search for it in a special location or store. Over the summer Chloe's babysitter taught me how to make red chile sauce, and it is as simple as simmering the dried pods in water, pureeing the soft pods together with the liquid, and then straining out the small bits. It is a rich, deep red sauce you can use for lots of different things.

Most of the women I know who regularly make tamales use a steam cooker to cook the pork; I assume you could get similar results by slow-cooking a regular pork roast in a crock pot and then shredding it.

The actual assembly process of the tamales remains a mystery to me, because I've never done it.

But the final product is oh-so-delicious. And allergen-free.

Frozen tamales are going to be Chloe's "convenience food." I admit to occasionally giving Andrew a Hot Pocket when there is nothing else, or eating a frozen commercial burrito. Everyone eats convenience foods sometimes. But when you're allergic to milk, eggs, wheat and peanut, processed convenience foods just don't cut it.

The gift of being able to pull out one perfectly-sized tamale, microwave it, and watch Chloe eat it with gusto is priceless to a busy mom who more often than not makes three separate suppers.

Best of all, ever since I put out an email at work (a smallruralHispanic school) various friends have been letting me know, so-and-so is making tamales tomorrow, they're really good, do you want some?? I am able to support someone who is expert at doing something I can't or don't have time to do--like buying farmer's market produce or a handmade pair of earrings at the local gallery.

Tamales. We love 'em. Go get some.

communion

When we got back from Pennsylvania, about which more anon, I went to church at the little Episcopal church in town for the first time in about 2 years. That's another story in and of itself.

The fact that I hadn't been in two years meant that I pretty much hadn't had communion for two years. That's the part I missed the most. The familiar, liturgical words, and the eucharist. I craved it: the words, the taste, the sights, the sound of it.

When the bread and wine had been blessed, I got up along with the thirteen other people there that morning to receive. They were using what I remembered, whole wheat tortillas. I placed the piece in my mouth, took a sip out of the common cup, crossed myself, and headed back to the pew.

Once I sat down it hit me. Chloe couldn't have communion bread because she is allergic to it.

Damn.

Then my mind started tumbling: what would you use instead that would still be appropriate?

We all have our feelings of what is appropriate for communion bread, and I've had some communion that just didn't feel right to me--Wonder Bread, say.

But instead of wheat bread or tortillas, would you use rice crackers? Polenta crisps? Gluten-free cookies? Potato chips? Cold oatmeal?

Ack.

the allergist

I finally made the call and we took Chloe up to Springs on a Friday. Daniel doesn't have school Fridays and I just took the day off. It happened to be Halloween, a gorgeous fall day. Driving over La Veta pass was soothing. I was pretty nervous. We left Morgan at home.

We got to the office and waited a few minutes. Then the nurse came and took us to a room with a table, several chairs, and a desk. Andrew was a little stir-crazy for being in the car for several hours (and our walk around the block to kill time because we were early didn't take the edge off much) but he had some little cars and he found he could run them along the beam under the table so he stayed busy. Chloe pulled up and toddled all around the room.

The nurse asked us a bunch of questions, to determine what we thought Chloe was allergic to. Then the doc came in. I had picked him because he was a pediatrician specializing in allergies, just what we needed. His partner at the office was on this board and that board, but his biography said he had done this research and that research...he seemed like a very smart doc, and wanted to continue being smart.

He was also around our age and one of the first comments he made was that he had children exactly the ages of ours, three and one, and that when he saw kids like that it made him want to go home and be with his. He put us at ease immediately.

We told him Chloe had had a reaction--hives on her cheeks--from stuffing a handful of Daniel's sunflower seed shells into her mouth. They were sort of under his chair and might also have had dog hair on them. (Can you say "bad parent"?)

We told him about the incident with the yogurt, and the egg/mayo potato salad smear, and the diarrhea after eating semolina noodles. We told him we had a dusty house full of dog and cat hair, which we tried to clean as often as possible, honest we did.

He ordered skin tests for: milk, egg, wheat, peanut, dog, cat, sunflower seed, soy, ragweed, dust, and a couple of others. My mom and sis had had this done but I had never seen it done.

The nurse came in with a tray of indentations, each with a tiny little stick in it. She put blue dots all over Chloe's back. Then she put the sticks in each square made by the dots; some of them she had to poke Chloe.

Chloe was all fine and dandy with what was happening up til that point, even when we took her shirt off, but once the nurse starting pricking her and putting stuff on her back, her face changed. We could tell that suddenly the nurse had gotten on Chloe's bad list and there was nothing she could do to redeem herself. We were sure that as soon as Chloe got big enough, she was going to come back and kick the nurse's butt.

The nurse left and we sang and talked for fifteen minutes while Chloe's back got redder and redder. Then she came back and when she saw Chloe's back she exclaimed, "oh my! It's really red!"

I was confused. I thought nurses weren't supposed to say stuff like that. Anyway, the skin tests showed, graphically, what we already highly suspected: Chloe was violently allergic to milk and had strong reactions to peanut, wheat and egg. She also showed a red reaction to the dog, cat, and ragweed.

The silver lining was that she did not have a reaction to the sunflower or soy.

The doc came in after that and talked to us. He said, get the epi-pen duo packs and don't split them apart. He said, delaying medication for an allergic reaction will put Chloe's life in danger. He said that kids die because they aren't given the epinephrine soon enough.

He told us, keep doing what you're doing, and do it well. He ordered blood tests, to break down the allergens and get specific numbers, and shook our hand, and left.

I don't know what I expected to feel but relieved was not it. Not relieved. I guess I was relieved to have the information, to know for sure, and to be told what to do. He gave us an allergy plan to show Chloe's teachers and family, with instructions on what to do, along with lists as long as my arm on what ingredients with deceptive names that are really milk, egg, and wheat we had to avoid. It included all gluten as well as dairy and dairy and egg derivatives, and of course, peanuts in any form. We weren't to even introduce fish or shellfish til the age of three.

We walked back out into the sunshine, got some food, and headed home. We really didn't feel like hanging around Colorado Springs despite the fact that there were a Home Depot and Target there.

I felt like it was a pretty good day, and Chloe slept most of the way home.

stress

The stress surrounding Chloe's allergies was unbelieveable. Do you ever get into a situation where your stress is caused by something you don't know for sure, so you don't know how to handle it, but which you could easily find out about but are too worried that what you will find out will be dire?

That was the situation I was in right after Chloe's 1-year checkup. I didn't know the extent of her allergies and exactly how to handle them. We had been referred to an allergy specialist, but I hadn't made the call yet.

How dumb is that. But that's how you think when you're that stressed out, you're paralyzed. In the meantime, we were still giving her meat, fruits, veggies, and oatmeal, whatever she would eat. Thanksgiving was coming up and we had an invitation from Chloe's grandma, my father-in-law's wife, whose cooking is deliciously rich and full of butter and cream.

I was so stressed out that a couple of weeks of school went by in a blur. I rehearsed my students and dealt with small problems, I'm sure, I just don't remember any of it.

On about the last Friday of October my foot started tingling as I lay in bed that night. The next morning the tingling had gotten worse, and by Monday, I had tingling all up and down the right side of my body. I didn't know what to do. Every time I thought about it the tingling would get worse, my face would flush, my heart would race. Classic stress symptoms.

I mentioned this to Andrew's preschool director at the end of that Monday, and she looked at me in horror.

"WHAT?!" she screeched. "You've been having STROKE symptoms ALL DAY and you haven't done anything about it???" She then hauled me off to the doctor, the little clinic right by our school.

The first thing they did was hook me up to an EKG machine. I lay there thinking, am I dying? Am I really having a stroke? The EKG came back normal.

When I finally saw the doc, he was a younger man with a sweet face and a calm demeanor. He asked me what was happening, and I let loose a torrent of symptoms, which I won't go into in gory detail, but all of which had to do with extreme stress.

I told him about the biggest stress, which was Chloe's allergies, and as I talked he watched the redness suffuse my chest and neck all the way up to the roots of my hair. I hunched over the bench and clenched the sides with my hands.

I could see him thinking calmly. Calm. That's what I needed. Some information. He told me when people are under extreme stress sometimes they hyperventilate; and I wasn't doing the panting kind but the shallow breathing kind, and that meant that certain parts of my body weren't getting enough oxygen.

I immediately straightened up and breathed deeply. All the rest of the symptoms, he said, were superficial and would go away. Not knowing about Chloe would continue to cause stress until I dealt with it. He prescribed Prozac but I and especially my husband are skeptical of mood-enhancing drugs.

I then realized that my stress was not going to go away until I called the allergist--what I should have done in the first place.

I made the appointment for a Friday, and while my stress did not exactly subside, the tingling did go away when I made a conscious effort to breathe and think of something else. I felt stupidly foolish for letting the stress get out of control instead of dealing with it, but all I could think about--then and now--is my dear tiny little daughter losing her life because of poor nutrition or a badly handled allergic reaction.

It freaks you out as a mother. Other mothers I personally know have gone through much much worse, but to think of someone well-meaning giving her milk...or a peanut-candy or something...those little careless things of daily life were what could cause Chloe's demise and that was what made me so stressed that all rational thought was absent.