Chocolate Caramel Corn

Allergy-Friendly Chocolate Caramel Corn Recipe

Step 1: Invite mother and father to visit for Christmas, involving plane tickets and a long drive. Mother will happen to bring a caramel corn recipe along with her.

Step 2: Ask husband to pop 6-8 quarts of Chloe-safe popcorn. Husband must do it because the power cord to Stir Crazy is broken and he is the only one who can pop popcorn without getting electrocuted.

Notes: a) Chloe safe, for us, means popcorn not processed on shared equipment. Orville Redenbacher fits the bill. b) If you are using a Stir Crazy popper you will need to make a full bowl twice.

Step 3: Melt 2 sticks of whey-free margarine (Fleischman's unsalted), 2 cups of brown sugar, and 1/2 cup of corn syrup in a pan over low heat. When it comes to a boil, stir constantly for a few minutes.

Step 4: Pour popcorn into a gigantic bowl (you may need to do this twice) and coat with melted sugary stuff. Stir to coat each piece of popcorn with delectable gooey sweetness.

Step 5: Put onto (large) cookie sheets and place in a 225 oven for 45 minutes. The temperature and timing of this step does not have to be precise, but it will save you from your two-year-old and four-year-old asking until you feel like tearing your hair out, "please may I have another one?" before supper.

Step 6: Remove leftover Chloe-safe chocolate frosting from freezer. If you do not have leftover frosting, make some according to this recipe: 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) whey-free margarine, 1/4 cup cocoa powder, up to 2 cups powdered sugar, 3 tbsp rice milk, and 1 tsp vanilla extract. This recipe makes enough for leftovers for next time.

Step 7: Separate caramel corn onto four cookie sheets or put half of it back into the big bowl. You'll need to spread it out more thinly. Heat the frosting to pourable consistency and then...

Step 8: Drizzle frosting with a spoon in Pollock-like gestures over the caramel corn.

Step 9: Invite 3 boys from other countries over, intersperse them with small children around the kitchen island, and observe the chocolate caramel corn disappear.

Step 10: Repeat steps 1-8, omitting step 9 because you won't have gotten any for yourself the first time around.