I'm not going to change the world

In this order, three things happened:

First, I got the online email edition of Food Allergy Magazine, which had an article about a city councilman in St. Paul with a three year old daughter severely allergic to peanuts. The councilman was trying to pass an ordinance to require all restaurants to post ingredients lists, which, rightfully so, the restaurant industry had a problem with.

Second, a relative complimented me on this blog. I sincerely appreciate compliments on my little corner of cyberspace which I use to process my journey as Chloe's mom and protector. Thank you so much!

Third, I recently became a facebook fan of a blog I already read and enjoy, Karina's Kitchen, Recipes from a Gluten-Free Goddess. She discovered a gluten intolerance as an adult and began developing recipes for herself. This activity led to publication of two cookbooks and the development of not just gluten-free recipes, but allergen-free ones as well. Her latest post featuring gluten-free vegan pumpkin spice cake caught my eye and the photograph was worth a thousand bites.

I started thinking about Karina, and how she turned a personal situation into a meaningful line of work which has the potential to benefit many lives. Her own medical condition prompted a vocation that has changed her life.

I have been thinking about the councilman in St. Paul, who turned a small slice of power into a power trip. (I'll post my letter to him, cc'd to the newspaper reporter writing the story about him along with various individuals from the food allergy community and the business and hospitality industry of St. Paul, as an addendum to this post.)

While I really really admire people who make a personal difficulty, sometimes even a tragedy, into a vocation like Karina, that's not really me. I don't necessarily admire the councilman's tactics, but I do agree with him that food allergy awareness is really critical to our growing numbers and I speak my piece whenever I feel the need.

It feels like this post is turning into a long rant about ME, but hear me out. I don't necessarily crusade; I am not a crusader type. But when it comes to knowing how to do something well, I am all over that. And I will not forget what Chloe's allergist said on our first visit: "keep doing what you're doing, and do it well."

I'm proud that the pages of this blog reflect that I have grown over the last year to become good at keeping Chloe safe from the allergens that will cause a life-threatening reaction. I have become good at speaking candidly and patiently with her caregivers, family, and friends about her food allergies and the risks and what to do in case of a reaction.

I know I'm good at it because when I made salsa and bean dip for a little fiesta with the kids tonight, I didn't even think consciously about making it Chloe-safe, I just did because I am so used to cooking without certain ingredients. (Ok, I did look at the oriental rice snacks, see that they were processed on shared equipment with nuts and wheat and did not set them out.)

I guess I just don't feel the need for a crusade. Protecting my daughter is enough, and the rewards from that are immeasurable. I have lots to do that I like to do, so I keep a balance. As much as I want her to have a gluten-free vegan chocolate cake for her birthday and have everyone taste it and savor it, I also want to knit her sweaters and teach music and go on trips.

I just really am not that interested in getting on the news about turning my daughter's food allergies into a thriving cookbook business or launching the newest food allergy awareness organization or using authority to promote a personal view.

I just want to keep my daughter safe and healthy and teach her how to handle herself in the world.

_________


Dear Mr. Carter,
I read about your attempts to mandate that restaurants list their ingredients for those with food allergies in the online edition of Food Allergy Magazine (September issue, a link from the Twin Cities Pioneer Press). My daughter has severe allergies to milk, eggs, wheat, and peanut, and many of us who have severely allergic children can relate to your situation.

However, I think it behooves those of us in the minority—those of us with food allergies or food-allergic children—to be reasonable. A recent blog post by a blogger that I enjoy (www.crazyauntpurl.com) about her office potluck in which the dishes had to contain peanuts prompted a firestorm of criticism from the food allergy community. I personally am ashamed by that kind of behavior, because it takes the wishes of a small minority and attempts to shove them down the throats of a majority—yes, even though I am an active member of that minority. I believe your actions to try to get every restaurant in your city to comply with your personal family situation (especially since you are now in a position of some power) is an example of unreasonableness.

I certainly understand the desire to protect one’s child and to live, move, and participate in a normal world comfortably, and frustration at being unable to do so. But the reality, is, those of us with severely allergic children must make some accommodations for the world that exists. Some restaurants will be accommodating, and some, naturally, will not, but that is their choice as a business establishment about which clients they cater to. I believe David Siegel has the right approach when he talks about awareness and training in his recent article in Finance & Commerce.

Mr. Carter, I will tell you my personal strategy when dining out with my family:

Where I live, our dining out choices are somewhat limited, but those restaurants we do enjoy going to my husband and I assess thoroughly. We read the menus, we talk to the chefs, and we ask the servers to talk to the chefs for us. Often we visit a restaurant on our own, looking critically at the choices and available options for our daughter before we take her there, and we certainly do assess the restaurant’s willingness to share information about their food. When we find a restaurant that can accommodate us, we do not hesitate first, to tell our friends and family that this particular establishment has gone out of their way to ensure our daughter’s safety; and second, to make sure we give our business to that restaurant again.

I think this sort of system is a much more positive one than mandating difficult and time-consuming regulations. This system gives restaurants an incentive to speak candidly about their food when requested and to welcome food-allergic families, who will then pass the information about their warm reception along to their fellow food-allergy sufferers, and, as our family does, patronize the restaurant again. Some local food allergy web sites may even want to post reviews of restaurants who have been helpful. Yes, doing this legwork is time-consuming, but that is our job as parents.

I have had many positive experiences from restaurants by calling ahead and asking about their ability to cater to my daughter’s particular needs—one restaurant was even willing to warm up rice noodles that we brought from home and put their marinara sauce on top.

I truly believe that if we are reasonable and give people—or eating establishments—a chance, they will rise to the occasion, making dining out a positive experience for everyone. I certainly have found this to be true where I live, and also in major cities my family has traveled to.

The reality is that for those of us with food-allergic children, we have to make choices to protect our children. Our children will then grow up learning how to successfully negotiate the realities of their environment, and our friends, family, and in your case, your constituents, will see the good example we model.
Sincerely,

Kate